Conflict Marriage: Sure-Fire Ways To Save A Conflict Marriage From Destructive Behavior
I just came across the term “conflict marriage” on the Internet. It apparently refers to marriages that are always full of conflict ie the couple fights, argue with each other, even yell sometimes.
What can you do if your marriage is a “conflict marriage”? Based on research and expert advice, here’s what you should do –
1. Calm Down, Focus On The Positive
Needless to say when things get too hot, you have to first calm down. This sounds lame but the best way to do so is to stop arguing with your spouse, sit away from him or her and start listing out all the positives you can about your marriage and your spouse.
Could be the fact that you had your beautiful children together, no more lonely Christmases, whatever. List them out and refer to this list the next time you need to calm down. Better still, list out why you love, respect and like your spouse.
2. Take The Emotion Out, Take A Time-out
No argument or fight gets better the more emotion you put into it. On the contrary, the lower the emotional level, the better the chance of a resolution. So take a time-out to let your emotions die down. Go watch your favorite sitcom or look at the roses in your garden.
3. Be Objective, Become A Robot
Once you’re calm and non-emotional, sit down again with your spouse. This time, you’re going to look at whatever the issue is with clinical, almost robot-like efficiency. Work it through like a business problem — what’s the goal, why do it in the first case, what are the pros and cons.
4. Be Willing To Give In Or Compromise
Once you’ve thoroughly worked through it, both of you need to ask yourself just how important the marriage is to you, despite its current form of a conflict marriage. And how important is it to your spouse? Can one give in without any loss? How about a compromise instead?
5. Get Help
When all else fails, and your marriage remains a “conflict marriage”, swallow your pride and go get help. From good friends, your family, a therapist or a counselor. There are a ton of good books and websites. Don’t let the rot set in or you could well be staring at divorce papers one day soon.